Maybe I'm an outcast here but it said come here to vent & boy do I need to vent. I myself do not have cancer but I certainly have had to fight it. My dad was diagnosed with lung cancer may 09, he was gone june 09. I can't begin to tell you how difficult that is for me to say. My 64 year old dad is gone. Why? We had no warning, he was given no chance at even trying to fight it. How is that fair? I want my daddy back. I want him to be the same dad I saw only 3 months ago smiling n playing with my kids. I'm sorry if I sound like a spoiled 5 year old. No, I'm not sorry. I won't be sorry for feeling this much pain & anger for cancer taking my father from me. I want to know why I was forced to watch him struggle for his every breath? Why his last 2 weeks of life was being spent lying in a crummy hospital bed? Why when he begged & pleaded to live was he still taken? Why at 39 was I forced to hold my dads hand & tell him it's ok you can go when in my heart it wasn't ok & why did I have to search for the strength to be there for his very last breath? When he was alive my heart ached for him now that he's gone it aches for me & I may be selfish but dammit I have that right. It angers me to see people light up a cigarette while pushing their little girl on a swing. That little girl on the swing is me! I want to scream " put that thing out every drag you take will rip that little girls heart out eventually! Sorry guys for venting here. Please know I'm not giving up I'm going to fight with everything in me with all of you. much love & hugs to you all.
Deb